How Not To Break Up Essay, Research Paper
October 20, 2000
How not to break up
A few years ago, I made a mistake that I learned never to do again. I was dating a girl who I was friends with before dating her. I met her when I moved to Milton FL. She was the first girl that I started talking to. At first we were just good friends and then I decided to ask her out on a date. To my surprise she said yes. After that, we began dating more and finally started going out. We had a pretty good relationship until I found someone that I was more attracted to. I decided that the best thing was to let my girlfriend know that I have found someone else. To some people this would be easy but for me it was hard. My girl bought me everything that I wanted. Even stuff that I did not ask for. I was going to break-up with her over the phone but I decided to be a man about it. I called her up and told her that I need to talk to her so I was coming over to her house. I made sure that I got everything that she had bought me over the years. I got to her house and she met me outside. For some reason she already knew that it was not good. When I told her that I did not want to see her anymore, she got very upset. She started to yell at me and instead of being calm about it, I started to yell back. That was a very big mistake. All at once I saw her eyes fill with rage and suddenly she kicked me where no man would ever want to be kicked. After I got out of the hospital I realized that I broke up with her the wrong way. Knowing the pain that I went through, I decided that I would let men know the things they should not do when breaking up with their woman. First of all, do not start flirting with another woman while you are already with one. Secondly, do not be rude to her. The man should talk to her as if he wants to ask her out again. Lastly, the guy should not take his eyes off of her.
A man that wants to break-up with his woman should not start flirting with another woman. Not only is this stupid, but for some reason, the woman always finds out. If not from her friends, she will find out because the woman you are talking to will slip and say something. For example, before I broke up with my girlfriend I started flirting with another woman. I went to the mall in Pensacola and saw one of the finest girls that I have ever seen. We were just talking at first and later that day it turned to more than just talking. She gave me her phone number and told me where she went to school at. Lucky for me she went to another school. My girlfriend had no idea what was going on except she noticed that I was acting weird towards her. Everything was going pretty good and I was getting to the point that I wanted to break-up with my girlfriend. There was only one problem that I found out; she was my girlfriends’ second cousin. I found this out when I decided to break-up with my girlfriend. I tried to deny it, but my girlfriend had pictures of her cousin and me. When a woman finds this out she will not tell her man about it. Instead she will act differently and wait for her man to say something about it. I found this out the hard way.
Secondly, a man does not want to rude to his woman when he decides to break-up with his woman. As I said before, he should talk to her as if he wants to ask her out again. Being rude to his woman will allow the man to get no where; instead it will cause him to dig a deeper hole than what he already has. For example, when my girlfriend found out that I was flirting with another woman she got pissed. I think she was more upset that it was her cousin than anything else. When she found out I was extremely rude to her. I should have been nice to her and instead I decided to be a jerk. If a man decides that he wants to be rude, he should always remember to apoligize to the woman. Not only did I dig myself a big hole but I also ruined our friendship because I did not apopgize to her. I belive that if I would of done that then I could of saved our friendship atleast. Since I did not apolgize to my girlfriend, it made our friendship go to hell.
Lastly the man should never take his eyes off his girl. I made the mistake of doing this and it cost me dearly. After I told her the rage she had built up inside came out in a furious kick to my groin. This mistake that I made could have been prevented if I would not of took my eyes off of her. As soon as I did that she had a perfect oppurtuinty to take advantage of the situation. Not all women will kick their man in the groin, some will just slap them or just punch their man. For some reason my girl thought that it would be better for her to just kick me. While I was laying on the ground I just kept thinking on why I ever took my eyes off of her.
In conclusion if a man will follow these steps of what not to do then the outcome could be a lot better than what mine was. A man should just be honest with his woman instead of lying and doing other stuff and the end result of their break-up will have a better friendship than what mine had.
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Almost everyone will have to break up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend at some point in his or her life. Breaking up is honestly a hard thing to do no matter what the situation. At some point in time, you found something special in this person that you are now going to have to get out of your life. Now these good times and special features must be bypassed so you can do what's best for you. An easy way to remember the tools you need is to remember the Wizard of Oz, because all you need is courage, a heart and a brain.
The first step to ending a relationship is realizing it is going nowhere. Realization is the most important step. After making this conclusion, your brain knows what to do, even if your heart may feel different. In addition, a person tends to fall out of love easier when they think of their future (or lack there of) with a specific man or woman. When you recognize the relationship is not going to lead to a loving marriage, the logical side of you thinks of the next step, starting over without him/her in your life. This way of thinking also helps to console a broken heart after a break up.
The second step is deciding how to tell your significannot
other. You can tell the person in many ways, but be cautious and consider their temperament and personality. This subject can be very painful and needs to be personalized. Let them know gently that at one point in time you cared for them tremendously and that they will always be special to you, but now it is time for you to move on to better yourself. Ensure the person of past times you have enjoyed and let them know you appreciate them for helping you to grow as a person. Tell them what you have learned from the relationship and let them know that you will carry on this knowledge forever. You can further use your experience from this relationship when you come to problems in future relationships. Do not attack the person with how they hurt you or hit them with personal blows. True, there is a.
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having both of their families over for dinner. The families haven’t spent a lot of time together, so Brooke really wants this to go well. Gary wanders in the door and hands Brooke a small bag of three lemons. She’d asked him to pick some up on his way home and he’s proud that he remembered. But it turns out that Brooke needed 12 lemons for dinner, and Gary’s forgetfulness feels like a slap in the face. Brooke tries to get Gary to take a shower and then help her in the kitchen, but Gary says he’s tired after a long day and just needs to relax. Brooke says that she’s had a long day at work too, but she still came home, cleaned the apartment, and cooked dinner. They argue for a bit and then the doorbell rings. Brooke asks Gary to answer it, but at that moment he decides he needs to take a shower, so he leaves Brooke to deal with the arriving guests. Dinner is awkward. The families are very different, but they make an effort. We discover that Gary and his brothers, the nerdy Dennis and the lecherous Lupus, want to expand their tour bus company to include sea and air travel. Brooke’s brother, the ambiguously gay and insanely peppy Richard, tries to lead the whole table in a song. but Brooke wants to clean up right away because she hates waking up to a messy house. Gary says he’s still not had a chance to relax and he’s rather play video games. Finally he feels so nagged by Brooke that he agrees to help, but Brooke says that’s not.
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Almost everyone will have to breakup with a girlfriend or boyfriend at some point in his or her life. Breaking up Is honestly a hard thing to do no matter what the situation. At some point in time, you found something special in this person that you are now going to have to get out of your life. Now these good times and special things must be bypassed, so you can do what’s best for you. An easy way to remember the tools you need Is to remember the Wizard of Oz, because all you need Is a heart and a brain. The first step to ending a relationship is to realize it is going nowhere. Realization is the most important step. After making this conclusion, you should know exactly what to do, Even if your heart may feel different. In addition, a person tends to fall out of love when they think of their future, with a specific man or woman. When you recognize the relationship is not going to lead up to a loving marriage, the smart side of you thinks of the next step, which is starting over without him or her in your life. This way of thinking also helps to console a broken heart after a breakup. The next step is to decide how to tell them. You can tell the person in many.
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Well. fIRST stop listening to sngs. It gets you more depressed. Cry as much as you can. And I mean it, as much as you can. Just let everything get out of your head, every memory. Cry. It's the best medicine. Every tear wil eventually make you forget every memory ( you dnt realize it,but it's true). The more you cry the better you feel. Cry until you can not cry any more. I swear it helps. Start watching a tv series,There's zoo many nice tv series.like ; how I met your mother, glee, gossip girl. Anything. It works. Just stay occupied. That way you don't tend to think about your new ex. o Go out with your friends and family. If you want you can start writing how you feel. Trust me this is the second best way to help you forget all the memories. Every time you write something, you feel like it's not there in your head, the burden goes down, ur head and heart feels way too lighter. Keep pictures and all other memories away from your reach. Start doing something new, like learn a new instrument, learn how to cook, learn a new language, or anything you have been procrastinating for a while! It does not get better with in a day or so, it takes time, but always remember that you are special and that it's the biggest mistake ur ex did, he/she will probably never find someone as good as you, n the world has 6 million people or so, trust me, it's not the end of the world, you are an amazing and beautiful.
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The ways that people process breakups is as varied as the individuals in the relationship; not everyone chooses to view it as the end of the world as they know it.
There are at least two ways to approach breakups, according to Dr. Wendy Walsh, relationship expert and author of The 30-Day Love. "Breakup style says a lot about romantic attachment style," says Dr. Walsh. She groups breakup styles into these two main categories: Emotional Avoidant and Anxious Style.
Are You An Emotional Avoidant?
People who would rather bury their feelings than process them tend to recover more quickly from breakups -- at least from an outside perspective.
"People who are emotional avoidant tend to cut things off and move on quickly," explains Dr. Walsh. "They take no time to process and prefer not to keep in touch." These people appear to bounce back from breakups quickly and move on with little regard for what once was. This is true whether the person initiated the breakup or not. Occasionally, this personality type will linger for awhile, though, "if they can extract some no-strings-attached break up sex," says Dr. Walsh.
Do You Have An Anxious Style?
Even though a breakup hurts, some people choose to linger in the sorrow. They want to know what their ex is up to and dwell on the details of the good times. "They like to engage in the back and forth of getting back together," says Dr. Walsh. "Think Taylor Swift lyrics."
These people also tend to spend more time obsessing about their ex's whereabouts and are prone to stalking them via social media.
So What's The Right Way To Break Up?
There are many variations of these two breakup personality types but, in all cases, Dr. Walsh says that coping with negative feelings and making a plan to move on are important. She advises her clients to consider the following when on either end of a break up:
Be responsible for your own behavior. It can be easy to play the blame game following a relationship but it's healthier to avoid the finger pointing. "Don't blame. Even if your partner was an awful person, you chose him or her. Learn from your mistakes," suggests Dr. Walsh.
Cut off communication. In cases where children are involved, this is not possible. But for couples without any shared offspring, a clean break is really the best plan. Instead of fanning any potential lingering flames, surround yourself with people in your future -- friends and family members who support and love you.
Rebound with caution. For some people, rebound sex can ease some of the breakup pain. For others, it can be a dangerous prospect. "If you are a love junkie and rebound sex always turns into rebound romance and love, then you need to step back and learn to contain yourself," advises Dr. Walsh.
Unplug. Disconnect any online connections to avoid seeing anything that can be upsetting post-breakup. "De-friend. Stop following on Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram," says Dr. Walsh. "Online contact and Facebook stalking can make you wallow."
Whatever your romantic and breakup styles are, try to keep it all in perspective and think past your emotions. The end goal -- moving on -- is much more easily achieved when the relationships demise is confronted and then accepted.
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook and Twitter. Sign up for our newsletter here .
They say that breaking up is hard to do, and these break up quotes can help you get to a healthy place and put the past behind you. When you read quotes about moving on you are giving your brain positive messages that will help the healing process and get you back to a good-feeling place.
1. Marilyn Monroe on Why Good Things Fall Apart
“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
You just never know what’s around the corner, and you can’t hold the hand of who you’re supposed to be with until you let go of the hand you’re currently holding. There’s good in every situation, and in order to get through a tough break up and on to the next chapter in your life, you have to appreciate that what you had may have been good, but something better is on its way, and you’re a stronger person now because of what you’ve been through.
2. Sarah Mlynowski on the Worth of Relationships
“Just because a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth having.”
Too often we try to soothe ourselves by diminishing a relationship’s value in order to get over it more quickly. But it’s OK to think that the relationship was pretty great, but now it’s over, and it was worth going through the pain of the ending for all the good times you had together. Love always comes with the risk of getting hurt and putting yourself through some tough times, but it’s always worth the special moments you share.
3. Paulo Coelho on What Crises Reveal
“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.”
When you’re faced with a crisis like a breakup it’s actually life’s way of asking you what you really want. You now have a better idea of what you don’t want, so you can get clearer about what you do want and focus on that. A breakup is a fresh chance to start over, to work on you for a little while and then attract the person of your dreams, edited to include all of your new desires that were formed from your last relationship.
4. Barney Stinson on the Virtue of Awesomeness
“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”
Even though Barney is a fictional character, he’s still good for an empowering quote now and then. This one rings true when you’re feeling down about a recent break up and you need to remind yourself just how awesome you are so you can get back to the real you. The good news is that when you start being awesome again you’ll attract someone just as awesome for you. It’s OK to feel sad for a bit after a breakup, but wallowing in it is only going to extend your misery.
5. Guy Finley on Starting Over
“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.”
You’re the only force that can limit what it is you’re capable of, so don’t let this temporary setback stop you from moving on to bigger and better things. There’s no timeline on how long it should take you to let go and start over, but you’ll feel that it’s the right time in your gut. When it starts to feel like a chore to still be hung up on this, that means it’s time to leave it behind and take a look at your fresh new clean slate with feelings of optimism.
6. Turcois Ominek Gets You Feeling Better
“One day they’ll realize they lost a diamond while playing with worthless stones.”
If someone didn’t treat you right, it’s most likely because they didn’t recognize your true value. You shouldn’t want to be with someone that would do this, and even though it hurts right now they’ll eventually realize that they made a big mistake and should have seen just how special you are. When you’re with someone that would do that it just means that you need to be with someone else that wouldn’t. Now that you’ve broken up you can set your sights on a better match for you.
7. Oscar Wilde Gives Wisdom on Love
“Never love anybody that treats you like you’re ordinary.”
If you got the feeling like you weren’t being treated like the extraordinary person that you are, then it’s probably best that you broke up, and you can now find someone that treats you as you should be treated. Relationships can be hard, and sometimes the passion will wane and couples will start taking each other for granted. If this goes on for too long it creates tension and a breakup ensues. But there’s no reason for the passion to die out, and you can find someone that stays madly in love and ready to adore you daily.
8. M. Kathleen Casey on Pain and Suffering
“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
M. Kathleen Casey
It’s no surprise that you’re feeling pain as you go through a breakup, but whether or not you suffer from it is a choice that you make. To feel pain is natural, but to make it something that ruins your life long after the event has taken place is totally unnatural. Feel the pain, learn from it, and use it in a way that makes you grow so that you can move forward with your life and have better results as you go along. Decide today to stop suffering and let the past be the past.
9. Joseph Campbell on Life’s Plans
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
Things don’t ever go exactly as planned, and the sooner you embrace that the sooner you can realize just how good things really are. Life has a way of working out according to its own design, and we can influence it but sometimes there will be twists and turns that we didn’t expect. As long as you stay positive and be willing to accept changes in your life that aren’t what you were expecting or planning on, you can start to see the beauty that life paints, and see that it uses broad strokes.
10. Alex Elle Shares the Proper Breakup Mindset
“I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.”
This is one of the most positive ways to look at a breakup, and if you can even come close to thinking like this about your own circumstances, you’ll heal much faster. It’s times like this that you find out just how strong you are, and because of that you become a better person, which can only lead to a better relationship when you decide to have another one. Without the struggle you would still just have an idea of how strong you are, but you wouldn’t have the proof to back it up.
11. Sarah Evans on Weakness and Strength
“Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger”
It’s important to realize that this is a day by day process. There are no quantum leaps when it comes to breaking up and moving on. With each new day you get a little bit stronger and time works its magic so you’ll hurt a bit less. This doesn’t mean that this is a continual process, and there will be times when you regress now and then, but the point is that when you have a bad day it will be a little less bad than it was at ground zero when the breakup was fresh and most intense.
12. Marcia Wieder on Singing Each Day
“Every single day, do something that makes your heart sing.”
Breaking up is hard to do, but if you take this quote to heart you’ll be able to get over it at a much faster pace. You may not feel like singing every day, and some of the songs along the way may be sad songs, but eventually you’ll want to sing something a little more uplifting, and when that day comes you’ll know that you’ve made some real progress and have managed to stay true to yourself and your own personal development.
13. Genevieve Rhode on the Power of Showing Up
“Get up, dress up, show up, and never give up.”
Here’s a great quote to read every morning so you can get into the proper mindset for greeting the day after a breakup. When you dress in clothes that make you feel good you can’t help but be affected by them. Show up to the party and get involved and you’ll see that there’s a whole new set of opportunities waiting for you just by you showing up. Never give up on love, even if you’ve been through some rough breakups. You’ll eventually end up where you’re supposed to be.
14. Carl Sagan on Getting Where You’re Going
“I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.”
You don’t have to know exactly where it is you’re going in order to head in the right direction. If you’ve been feeling bad for awhile about a breakup, and you haven’t felt like yourself in some time, you’ll know you’re back on track when you start doing things you used to like to do again. Once you start heading back to the real you, you’ll know it by the way you feel, and you’ll start to get feelings of excitement and anticipation at the new life that is shaping up for you.
15. Anthony Robbins on Deciding Your Destiny
“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”
When you decide to let this breakup be part of your past, and move forward with the rest of your life, you’ll be taking a giant step in your self development. It’s these big moments when you feel like the world as you knew it is totally turned upside down that you’ll look back on and realize it was a huge turning point for amazing things to enter into your life. So decide today to be happy, healthy, and full of life and you’ll see signs that life is responding to your new energy.
16. Jack Kerouac and Loving Your Life
“Be in love with your life. Every minute of it.”
Even when you’re going through a tough time, it’s important to realize that this is your life, and you should love it. Not just the rosy parts, but all of it. This will help you realize that your life isn’t over just because of a breakup, and that this could be one of the best things that ever happened to you, you just can’t see the bigger picture yet. So you may as well try to enjoy it, even in the midst of what seems like a tragedy. Sadness is a part of life, not the dominant part, but a part, and it helps to show just how good you feel when you feel your best.