Sibling Rivalry Essay, Research Paper
Sibling rivalry will always occur in a household of more than one child whether through comparison, fighting, jealousy, or by other means. Parents and children both contribute to the rivalry. It will occur on a daily, weekly, and even an hourly basis. Sibling rivalry may become difficult and annoying to parents, but they must deal with it day after day. In definition, sibling rivalry is when one sibling or more compete with one another or try to emulate each other .Rivalry is different from fighting. It appears when children compete for their parents? love and attention (Faull 88).
Sibling relationships can be a key to rivalry. An intense relationship includes love and hate, play and fight, and the teasing and mocking of each other. There are some questions on why certain siblings get along harmoniously and affectionately, while there are others that constantly fight (Dunn front flap). Siblings usually have a very harsh relationship when they are young. As they mature, they become better friends and start getting into fewer and fewer fights .Brothers and sisters sometimes work together to get through jams. Siblings occasionally team up to trick or get back at a parent in revenge (Faber and Mazlish 27-28). Aggression is very frequent in sibling relationships. In one study, 29% of behavior observed between siblings was hostile
(Dunn 22). It is usually the older child being aggressive to the younger one, but the younger child may become increasingly aggressive as he/she grows. In one Canadian study, a family where the mother is very friendly to the second born at the eight month stage, the two children were very opposed to each other six months later (Dunn 98). There are many siblings that take their aggression to the extremes, and others who travel through phases of rivalry, then end in a close, loving relationship (?Sibling Aggression?). Plus, not all rivalry is negative.
Birth order greatly affects the relationships between siblings. Frank J. Sulloway, writer of Born to Rebel, had this to say about birth order. Few aspects of human behavior can claim such generalizability (as birth order) across class, nationality, gender, and time. Birth order is the ultimate cause of behavior; it is destiny?if not entirely, then pretty nearly so (Epstein 51). First children tend to accomplish more than their siblings do because their parents expect more of them. All children in a family behave differently because of the way they are or were treated by their parents and others. The first child is very bossy to younger sibs, and has strong beliefs about what is right or wrong, and how his younger sibs should behave. He/she does not let the younger ones get away with something they could not do at their age. The second or middle child does not expect to get his or her own way much. They learn to achieve what they want through indirect means. The third or youngest child learns that the best method for him to get his way is by being nice. He frequently does what he wants and gets away with it because others do not notice (Ames and Haber 63-66).
Sibling rivalry has many causes that both parents and children can bring about. Parents create rivalry problems by comparison and favoritism. They have to see their kids as separate individuals, and not compare them. The parents have to make sure that comparisons do not lead to them buying one thing for a child?s need, and then buying the same item fo
r the other child even though he does not need it. There are certain types of comparison: positive and pressure. Positive comments can start problems between siblings (i. e. I see from your homework that you are a math whiz, just like your sister. Kent 80). Children may feel resentful when parents push them into each other?s turf. reports Kathy Thorburg, Ph.D (quoted in Kent 80). When a parent compares two siblings, it puts pressure in sports, school, and any other aspects of life on the younger child. Parents inadvertently play favorites with their children. The favorite child may not always be the cutest, smartest, kindest, or most thoughtful. It is natural to feel a preference to one child, and those feelings are probably obvious to the rest of the family (Ames and Haber 40). It is not humanly possible for a parent to love each child the same. Even if one of the parents has a favored one, they must not show it (Faber and Mazlish 96).
Children can cause their own rivalry without any input from parents. Fighting is not rivalry, but is sometimes caused by it. Sometimes children pick fights with their sibs because they are mad at themselves and there is no one else to take out their anger on. Other times, kids may pick a fight because they are mad at a friend or parent. Because they cannot hit their mother or father, the child usually uses his sibling as the punching
bag. Some children fight just to see the show their parents put on when they come to yell at the guilty instigator. Many youngsters fight just because of boredom. It makes the older sibling feel power and gives them strength, like a big shot (Faber and Mazlish 148-149). The changes of a blended family may make the child angry, and he takes it on one
of his sibs even though he is mad at his parents. It is always more complicated in a blended family, because there so many more people to deal with. states Lois Kalafas, a clinical social worker in Boston. Jealousy of other children plays a role in sibling rivalry. When a new child comes into a household, a rivalry has already started. It is a competition for attention. If a second marriage produces another child, the existing children feel like they will lose their love and attention from their parents (Brink B4).
There are some techniques on how to deal with sibling rivalry. A family meeting is a good way to discuss problems. When you call a meeting, the parent must explain the purpose of the meeting. Write down what each child feels and read it aloud to both children. Allow each child time for a response. Then let everyone in the family suggest as many solutions as they can think of. Lastly, decide on the solutions that your family can handle (Faber and Mazlish 166-168). There are some other techniques to prevent rivalry between siblings. The parent should always send the instigator to his respective room. Holler at the older one and tell him to act mature because he should be an exemplary for the younger sib. Do not raise a hand to the children no matter how angry and annoyed the parent becomes.
Sibling rivalry is a big problem in homes all across America and the rest of the world. It occurs day and night and is very difficult to deal with. Parents must be strong and willing to tackle this rivalry before they have children, and they must be mature
enough to handle it. Parents and families are guaranteed to experience some form of sibling rivalry, so they had better be prepared.
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Sample essay topic, essay writing: Sibling Rivalry - 402 words
Sibling rivalry is the jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters. It is a concern for almost all parents of two or more kids. Problems often start right after the birth of the second child. Sibling rivalry usually continues throughout childhood and can be very frustrating and stressful to parents. Sibling rivalry is one of humanity's oldest problems.
One of the first stories in the Bible deals with the rivalry between two brothers, Cain and Abel. The older brother, Cain, was irritated at constantly having to help take care of his younger brother, Abel, and kept asking his parents 'Am I my brother's keeper?' The story of these two brothers has a tragic ending; Cain becomes so angry that he kills Abel. The fact that this is one of the first stories written in the Bible shows the great importance given to the problem of sibling rivalry. What causes sibling rivalry? After doing my research and interviews I have found out that there are many factors that contribute to sibling rivalry. Listed below are some facts and some of my opinions on what causes sibling rivalry. o Each sibling is competing to define who they are as an individual
As they discover who they are, they try to find their own talents, activities, and interests. They want to show that they are separate from their siblings. o Siblings feel they are getting unequal amounts of the parent's attention, discipline, and responsiveness. o Siblings may feel their relationship with their parents is threatened by the arrival of a new baby. o Sibling's developmental stages affect how well they can share your attention and get along with one another. o Siblings who are hungry, bored or tired are more likely to start fights. o Siblings may not know positive ways to get attention from their brother or sister, so they pick fights. o Family dynamics play a role.
For example, one child may remind a parent of a relative who was particularly difficult, and this may subconsciously influence how the parent treats that child. o Siblings will fight more with each other in families where there is no understanding that fighting is not an acceptable way to resolve conflicts. o Families that don't share enjoyable times together will probably have more conflict. o Stress in the parent's lives can decrease the amount of attention parents give the children and increase sibling rivalry.
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30 March 2014. Author: Criticism
Sibling rivalry will always occur in a household of more than one child whether through comparison, fighting, jealousy, or by other means. Parents and children both contribute to the rivalry. It will occur on a daily, weekly, and even an hourly basis. Sibling rivalry may become difficult and annoying to parents, but they must deal with it day after day. In definition, sibling rivalry is when one sibling or more compete with one another or try to emulate each other .Rivalry is different from fighting. It appears when children compete for their parents' love and attention (Faull 88).
Sibling relationships can be a key to rivalry. An intense relationship includes love and hate, play and fight, and the teasing and mocking of each other. There are some questions on why certain siblings get along harmoniously and affectionately, while there are others that constantly fight (Dunn front flap). Siblings usually have a very harsh relationship when they are young.
As they mature, they become better friends and start getting into fewer and fewer fights .Brothers and sisters sometimes work together to get through jams. Siblings occasionally team up to trick or get back at a parent in revenge (Faber and Mazlish 27-28). Aggression is very frequent in sibling relationships. In one study, 29% of behavior observed between siblings was hostile (Dunn 22). It is usually the older child being aggressive to the younger one, but the younger child may become increasingly aggressive as he/she grows. In one Canadian study, a family where the mother is very friendly to the second born at the eight month stage, the two children were very opposed to each other six months later (Dunn 98). There are many siblings that take their aggression to the extremes, and others who travel through phases of rivalry, then end.Citation styles:
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Sibling rivalry effects a family in many different ways. When sibling rivalry gets out of hand, the effects can be disastrous. Because of the serious problems that sibling rivalry can cause, it is important that parents learn what causes sibling rivalry, how to keep sibling rivalry to a minimum, and how to combat the negative effects of sibling rivalry.
One of the possible negative effects of sibling rivalry is a household that, overall, has a much higher level of tension than others. If children are constantly bickering with their siblings, the parents are bound to feel the stress. Arguments and fights among two siblings will greatly effect any other siblings as well, even if they are not directly involved in the sibling rivalry.
Sibling rivalry can also negatively effect a marriage. Siblings may often bring their parents into a dispute, and find that one parent is siding with one child, while the other parent is siding with the other child. By communicating with your spouse and making sure that you present a unified position, you can reduce some of the negative effects of sibling rivalry on your marriage.
Sibling rivalry can also effect the way that a child sees himself or herself. In many cases, sibling rivalry is caused by jealousy. One child may believe that another child receives more time, attention, and even love than they do. This jealousy, which gives rise to sibling rivalry, can also cause the child to feel less valuable or less loved than their sibling. By making sure that all of your children are loved, that all of their needs are met, and that each of them gets some special individualized time and attention, you can avoid some of these negative effects of sibling rivalry.
Obviously, there can be more severe negative effects of sibling rivalry. Siblings might become violent, causing injury to themselves or to others. Siblings might cause other sorts of severe problems. When this happens, or if you think it is about to happen, you might consider family counseling. By working with a family therapist or counselor, you may be able to reduce the negative effects of sibling rivalry, as well as reduce the overall incidence of sibling rivalry and its severity.Related Posts
Sibling rivalry comes as an important psychological process in the family setting founded on a wide spread structural orientation. Their has been many arguments and explanations behind this aspect bringing into light a largely important component of how those envisaged in the same portfolio should be handled. Psychologically. sibling rivalry is the form of competitive relationship that comes between siblings /children in a family. The same may be guided by various psychological aspects that are
basically founded and entrenched within the natural setting of the family (Boyle. 1999. Sibling rivalry comes in the due process when siblings to try to compete in rivalry for the center of attraction. seniority. parent attraction and maximization in the use of the available family resources. According to psychological findings also. parents have been described as important contributors towards sibling rivalry following the manner with which they handle and intercept the place and recognition of their siblings
Generally. the basic cause of this competition is to create a more expanded state of attention with which the parents should adore. Not only do children compete towards their parental attention within the family set up but also in the face of the external and contemporary world. Psychologists have credited various attributes and factors that may certainly influence sibling rivalry. As an important factor parental attention and relative favorism has been echoed as perhaps the most fundamental reason that brings out this phenomenal conception Elsewhere. in the.
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