Life is a Roller coaster
Hey baby you really
Got my tail in a spin
Hey baby I don't even
Know where to begin
But baby I got one thing
I want you to know
Wherever you go tell me
'Cause I'm gonna go
Hey baby, you really
Got me flying tonight
Hey sugar, you almost
Got us punched in a fight
(That's all right)
And baby you know one
Thing I gotta know
Wherever you go, tell me
'Cause I'm gonna show
Can't you feel my heart?(3 times)
So don't fight it,
Fight it, fight it
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I HATE word limit. is the first thing I must say. I'm scared that my essay seems rushed..and the sentences seem short or something (although i probably just read this too many times). I used this same essay and changed it a bit for the common app and USC :] Please read, I need feedback! I keep doubting myself.
UC #2: 2. Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
In one final death-defying stunt, the roller coaster plunged down between two explosive plumes of vermillion fire, rushing past the concession line, blasting the waiting victims with blistering heat and piercing shrieks. As I regarded this spectacle with horror, my jaw dropped, my eyes widened, and my skin sweltered with each consecutive fiery blast. Meanwhile, my fearless cousin Sherry giggled in the background.
"This is so not funny. Seriously, I'm going to get killed!" I cried, exasperated at my unaffected cousin.
"It's not that scary. Ok?" Sherry reassured, rolling her eyes.
I don't know how I got there, but there I was, a 17-year-old who had never summoned the courage to ride a looping roller coaster. With apprehension and petrifying fear, I attempted to find reassurance in the transformation I had made.
Just a year ago, I was in a similar situation, forcing myself to face my fears. Naturally timid and anxious, I had avoided new people and experiences with the same aversion I had towards roller coasters. Before any unfamiliar encounter, I would feel gut-clenching dread build within me, as if I were riding a steadily ticking coaster, nearing the edge of that first terrifying hill. While nervously awaiting my doom, I would imagine the appraising eyes of my peers burning into my fragile psyche as I stumbled over my words, struggling for acceptance and struggling to form friendships. Overcome with shaking nerves, I would constantly hide from my fears of embarrassment, failure, and rejection.
By junior year, I was tired of being scared and sought a life unhindered by my doubts. That summer, I accepted a position volunteering at the community center, taking my first leap over that daunting peak. Inundated by trepidation, I was lost within the sound of my speeding heart as I awkwardly interacted with the people around me. Gradually, I found my place at the center. The children I cared for started calling my name, fighting over the chance to sit by me, and even the other volunteers became my new companions, showering me with moments of happiness and laughter. It was a small success, yet it gave me the courage later to participate actively in a variety of school activities. During those first days of service, I realized that different environments and budding relationships are actually harmless. After passing that first intimidating hill, the subsequent downward fall released all the anxiety and terror, leaving me with a surprisingly satisfying and rewarding experience.
Finally, after conquering those fears, I was placed before yet another phobia: roller coasters. Nearing the front of the line, I nearly hyperventilated. As I walked onto the platform and felt seat restraints lock me into the terrifying monstrosity, my breathing quickened and my mind froze with familiar fear. When the roller coaster began its slow ascent, I suddenly snapped back to reality and panicked.
"What am I doing? No. I cannot do this. Crap!" I said, freaking out.
"Jennifer. Stop. Breathe," Sherry said firmly, "It's not as bad as you think. Just remember it lasts like 60 seconds, okay?"
With no time to respond, I left my cousin with one last, skeptical look.
Then I went, soaring in fantastic spirals, zooming through dips and turns, weightless and free. All I could see were colorful blurs whizzing past me, all I could feel was the air flicking across my cheeks, and all I could hear were my enthusiastic shrieks ringing in my ears. The feeling was nothing I ever experienced, an exciting rush of adrenaline as my stomach dropped from my body, torn in all directions by the centrifugal force. Strangely enough, it was. fun. When the ride ended, I was almost disappointed.
"Was that it?" I asked my cousin.
"Yeah. Pretty good ride. What'd you think?" Sherry replied.
"It was fun. It went so fast; I barely felt anything. " I said, embarrassed by my formerly panic-stricken state.
Yet with pride, I realized I had somehow mustered up the bravery to leap over my fears, despite my shy demeanor. With perseverance and latent courage, I had overcome my inner battles. Looking at Sherry, I heaved my shoulders up and relaxed them while expelling an exaggerated sigh, facing her with a content smile.
We both started laughing, and I realized there is nothing, nothing to be scared of.
Um I can understand some of your criticisms, but they don't offer any solutions. I need help, not insults.
And obviously you don't even understand parallel structure, or else you wouldnt have made that comment.
And I used "inundated" in the figurative way. Duh. What's your problem?
The hyperbole is overblown.
There are a lot of redundancies, "plunged down," for example.
Some of the word choices could be stronger because the word is slightly off or has more than one meaning that could confuse the reader. You say that your cousin is unaffected, for example. Unaffected can mean that she is not affected, but it can also mean that she is sincere and genuine. See the potential for confusion? Likewise, a plume could describe column of fire, but because it is more commonly associated with smoke, it isn't the best word here.
You use a ton of adverbs. I have a personal bias against adverbs. Stephen King calls them a lazy writer's crutch. Try to let your verbs do most of the talking without puffing up your prose with adverbs.
Be careful with the more complex sentences so you don't have unintended results. Here's an example: "As I walked onto the platform and felt seat restraints lock. " You felt the seat restraints on the platform?
Think about the light that an essay puts you in. What kind of traits do you want to illuminate? When I read this brief glimpse into your life, I don't see a girl who overcame her fear, but a girl who is prone to freaking out and exaggerating the danger for drama's sake. If I were an admissions official, I'd be afraid that you would show up on campus and have a panic attack, burst into sobs when you got your first test back with a B on it, miss your home so much that you wouldn't return after a weekend visit, or melt into a puddle of misery if a boy broke up with you. I know that you are trying to use strong words for effect, but I think that they are backfiring instead. You don't come across as mentally healthy and ready to take on the challenge of college life in this essay. Use the opportunity to showcase your "personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience" instead of a weakness.
jenn: If this is your style, stick with it. By changing all these little stuff would really take away your "character" from this essay.
mustafa: i love your critiques. Brutal! This is how criticism should be. However, please respect others and not put people off.
Excellent work both of you.
The intro was good. Just cut the fillers. I enjoyed the story but you could talk more about what you gained from the roller coaster experience.
You write very well but you lost my attention when you came back to the roller coasters,unless it derailed into a frenzy of chaos we know what happens. Good luck.
Thanks! I appreciate the feedback.
And Notoman, your comments made a lot of sense, I'll definitely fix my essay in those areas. I'm going to try to cut down on some adverbs and add more content.
EF_Kevin Threads: 8
Author: You can help a lot of people by visiting the "Unanswered" threads! [Contributor] 129
Mustafa, you are so mean! Ha ha, and even though my first impulse is that it is not good to have you discouraging people, I think a cruel critic is an important part of discourse. I like the show called House M.D. you are like him, a mean genius.
Jennifer is tough enough to deal with you, though, ha ha,
And I used "inundated" in the figurative way. Duh.
Jennifer, you have to admit that his discussion of your content is very thoughtful. not thoughtful like "kind," but thoughtful like he put a lot of thought into the discussion. There's an expression: "experts criticize." That must be because we want to show that we are experts; we want to criticize instead of giving praise, because praise doesn't make us superior!
I agree about that idea of killing adverbs.
About the essay, I think it is too much narrative and not enough explanation. Remember the real trick is to affect the conclusion the reader comes to about you -- that means you should give a brilliant introduction to the narrative and then some Maury Povich Final Thoughts at the end. That is, frame the story within the profound insights you provide -- the moral of the story .
Published: 23rd March, 2015 Last Edited: 23rd March, 2015
This essay has been submitted by a student. This is not an example of the work written by our professional essay writers.
Almost everyone has enjoyed the thrills of a roller coaster at some point in their life. The rise up to the top of the tracks, the intense fear gripping drops, and the sharp G-Force twists and turns. This is a fragment - bad grammar. It is a pure adrenaline rush and some of us may have enjoyed the fearful death defying experience. Why do we enjoy this fearful thrill ride? Perhaps because we know it is safe. At least “safe” in the sense that we know that at the end of the ride we will be just fine (with very few exceptions- .00002% injury rate). Aside from some slight vertigo or nausea Fragment. Sometimes events in our lives seem much like a roller coaster ride. Such as the difficulties of becoming a new parent; or the twists and turns of finding a new job fragment. One particular life event that most of us are actively experiencing is the current economic situation. This is a filler based introduction - this should have been a discussion on the content of the paper.
The last few years of economic activity have been much more turbulent than most of us can recall in recent history. The US stock market had experienced a significant rise up through October of 2007 where the Dow peaked at 14,164. Then came (verb confusion) the twists and turns through 2008 and finally the big lightning drop from September 2008, through early March of 2009 where the Dow set a record low close of 6,547. A six month drop is not a lightning drop. It is actually a steady decline in market trust. The current economic climate continues to be chaotic and thrilling but offers much less safety than a roller coaster. The financial wellbeing of millions of people are riding on the tracks of this current economic situation. This should have been your introduction.
At this point, you may be asking yourself how our economic system became so chaotic and turbulent. To be sure, many factors and variants have contributed to this great financial storm. However, most economists and experts agree that the main source of the problem resides in the multitude of systems and process that fueled excessive real estate financing. Historically low interest rates, sub-prime mortgages, securitization of loans and the lack of regulation were all primarily responsible for supercharging the financial roller coaster that is now threatening to run off the tracks. First, we will examine the impact of historically low interest rates. In the early 2000's the Federal Reserve drastically cut interest rates in effort to stimulate the economy following the stock market decline of 1999-2000. From 2002-2004 the federal reserve lowered the federal funds rate down to 1%. This extremely low federal funds rate allowed banks to borrow extremely cheap money and thus extend extremely compelling interest rates on mortgages. These extremely low interest rates had two significant outcomes. One, it enabled many non-homeowners the opportunity to afford a mortgage and purchase home. Secondly, it enabled every existing homeowner the opportunity to buy a bigger home or add-on to their existing home. The demand for new and bigger homes increased significantly and rapidly. Supply of homes could not keep pace. The result was significant real estate inflation and the creation of the existing housing bubble.
Another key contributor that helped pump up the housing bubble was subprime mortgages. After conventional mortgage lending began to slow in 2003, lenders began offering increasingly innovative loans. One such innovating loan was the adjustable rate mortgage (ARM) which offered a very attractive low interest rate for a period of time that would eventually adjust to the prime rate. These loans were very popular, especially to the poorer segments of the population. During 2004-2006, these subprime mortgages and ARMs totaled $4.31 trillion, or almost one-half of all new mortgages.
Therefore, as we have noted, historically low interest rates, and innovative subprime lending resulted in a significant increase in real estate lending. Between 1999 and 2006, lending to consumers and real estate as a percentage of total bank lending increased from 40% to 50%. This is a larger increase than was seen in the preceding 34 years. Just how did the banks come up with so much money to lend? The answer is the secondary mortgage market and securitization. The secondary mortgage market enables loan originators to sell their mortgages off to other institutions in order to free up more capitol and thus originate more loans. The two biggest institutions are the Federal National Mortgage Association (FNMA) and Federal Home Loam Mortgage Corporation (FHLMC). FNMA and FHLMC were both created by or chartered by the federal government. In 1954 FNMA was re-charted to purchase VA and FHA loans from lenders, and in 1970 FHLMC was chartered to purchase conventional loans from lenders. Both were eventually permitted to buy all loan types with the primary goal of replenishing finds used my mortgage originators. This system worked well for decades. With the extraordinary demand for loans created by` low interest rates and innovative products came the need to replenish ever more capitol ever more quickly fragment. The need (what need) coupled with the creativity of investment bankers gave birth to the concept of mortgage related security pools. Securitization is another way that large financial institutions can bundle up mortgages and sell them off this replenished capital. A very long paragraph.
This advent of securitization transformed the world of financing. All of a sudden, investors from all over the globe (governments, corporations, 401k funds etc) could invest in these complicated (yet at the time seemingly safe) investment vehicles. During 2004-2006, almost 80% of subprime loans were securitized. This massive influx of money into the lending system led to further innovative and increasingly risky loans and the bubble continued.
The most appalling factor in this whole equation was the complete lack of private or public regulation. It seems that everyone was so captivated by the exciting new world where real estate prices continually rise and investors continually profit that we forgot to consider sustainability wordiness. How could this environment continue forever? Did those who had the most to gain ever care? One has to wonder how such radical new systems and processes can evolve over night. How can such crucial and important programs be changed at the top without regulation- while the rest of us stand in line for hours at the DMV waiting to fill out all the boxes in the little forms….
Therefore, we find ourselves on quite the wild ride. Many have suffered significant financial loss. Retirement and 401k's have been hammered, people are out of work, and families are loosing their homes. We have taken a big fall. Are we on our way back up or is another drop on the horizon? The answer is unclear. At present writing, the Dow is back over 9000. Where is the conclusion?REFERENCES
Geithner, T. (May 20, 2009). Press Room U.S. Department of the Treasury. Retrieved July 24, 2009, from http://www.treas.gov/press/releases/tg139.htm
Lapavitsas, C. The Roots of the Global Financial Crisis. Center for Development Policy and Research.
Researchrecap. (2009) Retrieved July 24, 2009, from http://www.researchrecap.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/securitization.gif
Scott, K. (July 21, 2009) Why Toxic Assets Are So Hard to Clean Up. The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved on July 24, 2009, from http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124804469056163533.html
4 bids submitted. Essay Example.Love Is a Roller Coaster
It’s almost impossible to deny that loving someone else can make the world better for many people. However, love is never kind, so they may feel quite nasty and bad at times, but they always stick through a special person. From an emotional viewpoint, loving someone and this feeling can be quite complicated and difficult for different reasons. It can be compared to the experience of riding a roller coaster if to compare their fear and excitement that all people who are in love must go through. These feelings characterize both the period when they are in relationships with their special ones and when they are a roller coaster.
The excitement and joy of loving someone is easy to misconstrued, so when you think about the happiness of loving others, you should accept the fact of being able to love. You can show this excitement of love through such evidence at important life points as the first dating, proposal, marriage, and so on. These points show the evidence of people’s excitement the most. For instance, their first dates are some of the most stressful and nerve-wrecking experiences in people’s lives. That’s because the emotions that they feel can make them faint from their sudden and huge overload. The excitement that most people feel at that time is easy to measure in strides.
Another example that proves this statement is their proposal because it shows the emotions of joy and excitement as they embark on the next stage of their lives with a special person they love. For most people, it’s hard to look at their beloved individuals and make a proposal because they must be truly committed and manage a lot of stress.
The day of marriage also proves that love is a roller coaster for many people, as this is when they remember their personal experiences with this special person, including the first date, proposal, and so on. It’s a moment that can be called the culmination of their past experiences and the beginning of their happy future life, so the excitement they feel is often overwhelming, but it’s not false.
In summary, love can conquer a number of things, and people should know how to convey the fear of loving someone, handle the thoughts of losing their dear ones, fears of not being good enough or unattractive, etc. They all make this wonderful experience resemble their ride on a roller coaster, but they contribute to a huge excitement felt by people who are in love with someone else.
It’s almost impossible to deny that loving someone else can make the world better for many people. However, love is never kind, so they may feel quite nasty and bad at times, but they always stick through a special person. From an emotional viewpoint, loving someone and this feeling can be quite complicated and difficult for different reasons.
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